I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
