i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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