You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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