im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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