On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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