yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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