Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she pinky promised me she was 18
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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