i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
