i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
