you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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