how do flat chested girls get laid?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
