we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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