every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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