I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sext me about skeletons
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
