it was like his penis was on wheels.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
