how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
