just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
