if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
