I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't deserve a penis
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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