and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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