It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How's work?
Spinning.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
