I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I FOUND THE LEGS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
