Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize