It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize