OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
