Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
