just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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