thus making me awesome and them whores
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
