Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Everything about him screamed your future.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
