I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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