im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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