First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
