Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
