1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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