don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
