What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
