I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
