wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
