We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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