its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
