Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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