Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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