I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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