it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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