I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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