So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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