That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
