you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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