the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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