Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
