We need to rekindle our bromance
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
