You made me cry and you don't even care
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
