It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
