please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
