I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
