Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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