just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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