if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
