there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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