Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
