i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
