So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's just like the Real World with babies
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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