I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
